yesterday was so randomly fun. i went on a video scavenger hunt with val’s youth group..we did lots of random things..and we won..and my prize was a tiedye shirt that says “attitude” and it’s like XXXL. hahaha.. then afterwards i went out with sarahbellum and scooby D and jaydee and nate and kelley..we went to borders and found out the meaning of our names (i am “beacon hill” and i am so confused. someone please explain this to me. the dictionary says “1. a signal fire, 2. a guiding or warning signal; a lighthouse, 3. a radio transmitter for airplanes”..) and covered up ALL the boobs in the magazine section. (let me tell ya, that’s a lot of boobs.) then we went to steak and shake and jaydee got a paper milkshake.. annnd yeah that’s all. today church just got me thinking about stuff. the sermon was about the act of worship..and he talked a lot about musical worship, which i definitely feel called in, and i’m longing so badly to not sit around and waste the time i have to jump into my calling. you might say “brandon, you already do a lot.” but i want to do more for God.
i feel like i’ve hit a brick wall. i don’t know why. like i don’t know what to do next or how to do what i feel i’m supposed to. i came home after church and listened to some stuff i recorded last week..and i dont know. something just doesn’t feel right with it. i feel like i’m maybe supposed to move into something. or do it with a different approach. or maybe team up with others to let God work through me more. but i don’t know. is this satan? is God trying to put a roadblock in front of me so i’ll stop and look at Him? is there something in front of my face that i’m not seeing? is there something i need to learn? why do i feel so lost when a few days ago everything was fine? i’m just confused. i’m anxious but stuck…excited but discouraged…determined but lost…faithfull but curious…and just ready to be a force that satan will be afraid of. Lord, please teach me Your ways.
sorry this was long. pray for me, guys.. i know it’ll all be fine, i just need to be patient and let God do His stuff.
->hi, my name is brandon and i donevenoh.
listening to: justin mcroberts