i spared you last night..but that was last night.

-i would like to express my love for cool hand luke.

they are the real deal.  their lyrics feel like they’re taken right out of my thoughts.  they support their songs with scripture.  their music gives me chills.  they let God completely take over their entire ministry.  they’re the real deal.  go listen to them.


okay anyways…

i’m at a weird place.  (stop reading if you don’t care.)  i didn’t realize how many people are actually leaving for college, and it makes me sad.  especially since i lost the majority of all contact with a lot of those people this summer.  i don’t think i’m ready for everyone to start going in their own directions. i don’t think i’m ready to go in my own direction..just because i still don’t understand what that is.

-it’s odd to feel completely twisted and mangled inside but know that everything’s perfect at the same time. 

-i know the picture.  i know what ultimately i’m called to do and what God made me to do.. but i feel so blind to the path.  and i know i shouldn’t worry.  it’s my only instinct when nothing ever feels right.  (i’m sorry, Jesus.) 

-i was the one who always knew what i was going to do and where i was going throughout life while everyone else was freaking out about college.  oh, how times change.  it’s now the opposite.

-college is something i’ve wished i could just get to for years.. and now that it’s here, i’m so numb to it.  and it makes me sad.  maybe it’d be different if i were going to anderson, but maybe it wouldn’t.  this semester will show me a lot.  i’m keeping my eyes open, ready to follow. 

-i slip into my own little world when i can’t stop thinking about things.  last night i just kept driving and listening to cool hand luke.. i saw so many random things on the road.  for one thing i almost got hit head on.. later i saw this woman with a stroller and a dog on this random street corner, pacing and looking really nervous.  later i saw this guy in business clothes sprinting down the side of the road.  normally i would wonder so bad what was going on, and for some reason it was like i was moving in slow motion and i just kept going.  (i realized how random those things were when i got home.)

-sometimes such a huge part of me wants to get up and leave.  and the next second i’m so happy that i’m staying where i am.  another second i feel so right…only to lose myself a second later. 

-i haven’t actually felt peace on anything in months.  it makes me tired.

-i miss people a lot, but i don’t think people realize that.  or maybe it just isn’t mutual.  that doesn’t make me miss or love someone any less though.

-everything is so weird.  i don’t know.  gah.

-i’ve been drawing pictures instead of writing in my prayer journal.  they’re the most abstract things i’ve ever created.  but every part makes perfect sense to me.

-i miss art.  it’s been a whole summer since i’ve purposely sat down to create artwork.  i want to do it in college again.  but malone’s art program is so sad.

-i could sit for hours and write down one reason after another why anderson is the perfect college for me.  but why would i turn myself away from that?  God obviously has me here right now for a second.  i just don’t know why nothing feels right. 

-last night someone told me “don’t forget in darkness what God showed you in light.”  that ultimately is the reason i’m still here.  i know God led me into things here that i’m not ready to leave. 

-i got new shoes and jeans tonight. 

-and i like to watch the olympics.

-tomorrow’s my last day of work.  that makes me really happy.

-i wish i wouldn’t have wasted so much of my summer focusing on myself.  i needed it so badly.. but i feel like absolutely nothing happened and i saw nobody. 

this post is going nowhere fast.  but i guess you cared since you’re still reading.  sucka.

->hi, my name is brandon and i’m ready to break out of this nonsense.
listening to: yellow second



            Like clay in the potter’s hands
               Mold me, mold me
            Like a child in his father’s arms
               Hold me, hold me 
            Like a sparrow afraid to fly
               Raise me, raise me
            This is just between You and I
               I love You, I love You 

                    Let this song be an offering of my love for You
                   I lay myself down upon Your throne
                    For whatever You want me to do

         For whatever it takes
          And whatever the faith
          I trust You
          For whatever the cost
          And whatever is lost
          I love You
          I love You, Lord

                    If we call out Your name
                    We should see our face
                    If we sacrifice our lives
                    We will see that grace


12 thoughts on “

  1. i know how you feel about being blind to God’s path. but i try to think that maybe he’s got his hand over my eyes for a reason because he knows right now all i need to feel is his great love not always what i see around me,or where he’s taking me. i spose it makes it all the more exciting.
    and i don’t like the fact i hardly see anyone too. i miss hanging out with you a ton too. those always seem to be so fun to me when we hang out.
    ps. ive been addicted to the olympics as well. i stay up past midnight watching them hahaha.


  2. Trying meeting with Barb Drennan, one of the art profs at Malone…maybe she can help you out…or do really be creative, hook up with Dr. Andrew Rudd, who is an awesome, wacky, and abstract communications prof.  I bet he could give you some new art outlets!  Good luck at Malone!  (If you want to talk, just IM, I’ve been exactly where you are.  Malone was right for a season in my life, but now I’ve moved on to a new season, and a new school in Kentucky.)


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