i feel like puking thoughts. you can read if you want.
so i’m starting to fear next year. why? i don’t know. i know where fear comes from, and it’s from a place that i cannot let bring me down. i will not. i think getting away is essential for me to grow. but i’m so scared of not being around what i know or who i love. at the same time, that’s part of what makes me so excited.
i don’t want people to get in their head that i’m just leaving everything behind. it isn’t the case. it’s going to be hard to not see people. i won’t even be here for my nephew’s/niece’s (whichever it is) first few years. hopefully i’ll be around enough on holidays and summers and extra weekends that it will still know me. and i hope i don’t lose friends. i already see the majority of my friends few and far between, and it makes me sad. but i hope they realize how much i enjoy the times that they are around. people here mean so much to me. i don’t want to lose them.
i wish i could sit everyone in the world down and put in detail of how clearly and amazingly God has worked in my life in these short nineteen years i’ve been around. this past year especially…goodness gracious.
yesterday i listened to ghoti hook (banana man) like i did when i was thirteen. i really was too cool for middle school.
there is so much going on. i love that. breaks and ruts are necessary to appreciate times like this. and i’m glad God puts me in seasons.
speaking of seasons, blizzards still make me full of joy. i don’t even care if i don’t get snowdays. i just love snow. a lot. (another one is coming tomorrow..or..tonight.) this will make spring seem that much sweeter when it comes.
i think my church is in store for awesome things this morning. i hope i open myself up enough to be used effectively. i like that feeling. it’s what i live for. i believe it’s time for me to shine
i loathe cigarettes. i don’t hate very many things, but cigarettes are probably at the bottom of my likings. down with ciggy butts.
today i found a checklist of what i thought my wife will be like. i still think it fits. people think it’s weird when i talk about this stuff, but i’m over that. i don’t think i’m ready to date. i know i’m not at this moment. but the time will come, and the world will deal with it.
i’m excited to have a recording for whatever way God wants to use it. for those who don’t know, i’m in the beginning stages of recording twelve of my songs. He’s worked it out. He has a plan. i’ll know it when i know it, but where i am right now is exciting.
i’m also now working for the alive festival, helping with web design and the new online magazine. the alive festival will be scrumtrilescent this year, and you should go. www.alive.org . you can see some things i’ve redesigned so far.
my ramblings are bland and stupid. i’m sorry. i love you all.
wrapped in love that’s so divine
i owe it all to You
my heart to make Your angles sing
every day, show me Your ways
i believe it’s time for me to shine