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i know i’m a broken record, so you could probably stop reading now. 

my easter consisted of…

-getting a fever late last night
-desperately trying to make it through several songs on stage while realizing singing will make me throw up and closing my eyes will make me pass out
-turning so white that i “began to blend with the walls”
-running offstage and to the car during prayer and driving home
-laying down on my bed next to an (empty) barf bag and sleeping for five hours
-laying around some more

now i’m about ready to go lay around even more.  tomorrow i’m going to the doctor and somehow trying to make a plan to not fail my classes for this semester. 

prayer please.  i really was getting better..i guess this is another bump in the long road to health.


ack.


happy easter though.  even though today was ugly, i celebrate today because i’m glad that i have hope despite my screw-ups because my awesome God knew i couldn’t survive on my own.

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newwww design. i’m not sure how i feel about it, but i hope you like it.
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i’ve come to the realization that it’s not about what God has for me.


(it’s about what He’s already given me.)
it’s about what i have for Him.



take my life
(and let it be consecrated, Lord, to You)
take my moments and my days
(let them flow in ceaseless praise)
take my hands
(and let them move at the impulse of Your love)
take my feet
(and let them be swift and beautiful for You)
take my voice
(and let me sing always, only, for my King)
take my lips
(and let them be filled with messages from You)
take my silver and my gold
(not a mite would I withhold)
take my intellect
(and use every power as You choose)
take my will
(and make it Yours.. it shall be no longer mine)
take my heart
(it is Your own, it shall be Your royal throne)
take my love
(my Lord, I pour at your feet its treasure store)
Take myself
(and I will be ever, only, all for You)


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i learned some stuff about myself tonight.  some of it is a little shocking.  actually, not really.  because they’re online personality test results.

I am 5% Metal Head.
I am 12% Punk Rock.
I am 12% Hippie.
I am 16% Raver.
I am 17% Goth.
I am 22% Metrosexual.
I am 23% Grunge.
I am 23% Geek.
I am 24% White Trash.
I am 26% Internet Addict.
I am 27% Tortured Artist.
I am 31% Idiot.
I am 34% Emo.
I am 37% Ska.


(fuali.com)


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vertigo will not die.  please keep praying. 


since my life has been on hold for three weeks, i’ve done a lot of thinking.  i don’t really feel like getting into it.  but if i can ever get healthy, i think i’ll be pretty excited for what is coming. 

right now i’m listening to grits.  you should too.
show them pearlies, boys and girlies.

_______

this is what happens in the middle of the night when i can’t sleep:

FIRSTS
First screen name: bschmidt72.  i changed the numbers in ninth grade because the other one didn’t work for a while for some reason.
First piercing/tattoo: yet to happen.  and i doubt it will.
First credit card: yet to exist.
First enemy: hmm.. i don’t really know.  i don’t really get enemies other than the devil.
First concert: i went to a billy graham crusade with dc talk and michael w. smith when i was eight.  my first real concert was church of rhythm at anderson university when i was nine.  and my first concert that mattered was in seventh grade when i saw five iron frenzy (which was a BIGGG deal), switchfoot (which was also a BIG deal), the smiley kids, and this new local band i never heard of called relient k. 


LASTS
Last big car ride: to anderson a few months ago.


Last kiss: my dog.  haha


Last library book: i don’t remember. but i did get lots of cds there today, and i was glad.


Last movie seen: i watched a really, really dumb movie on tv tonight about the girl from the o.c. getting attacked by sharks on spring break.  it made me laugh and fall asleep.


In the theatre: wow.. raise your voice in december.  haha


Last food consumed: i had cheerios at about 2am.


Last phone call: my sister.
Last CD played: i’m listening to a passion worship cd (our love is loud).


Last soda drank: squirt.


SHORT ANSWER


I AM: very, very sick of being sick.


I HAVE: not done anything fun outside my house in three weeks.


I WISH: i was healthy.
I HATE: being sick.
I WONDER: when i’ll be healthy again.


I LOVE: God.  a lot.  a lotttttt.
I ALWAYS: laugh.


I AM NOT: gay.


I DANCE: in the river.


I SING: a lot.


I CRY: when it’s just me and Jesus. sometimes.


I AM NOT ALWAYS: normal.


I WRITE: when i’m alone.


I WIN: at every sport.  psyche.


I LOSE: at every sport. 


I CONFUSE: a lot of people.  i think.


I NEED: my health back.  seriously.


I SHOULD: not be sick anymore.


 


YES or NO 


YOU KEEP A DIARY:  if a prayer journal and a xanga count.
YOU COOK: when it only involves a microwave.


YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVEN’T SHARED WITH ANYONE: yep


 


DO YOU…?  


HAVE A CRUSH: at the moment..not exactly.


WANT TO GET MARRIED: yeah, i do.
GET MOTION SICKNESS: motion sickness is the definition of my past three weeks.  but it’s a virus.  normally, not really.


THINK YOU’RE A HEALTH FREAK: no.  i need to exercise and eat better.


GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: yes.


LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: not when the’re dangerous.
 
FAVORITES


NUMBER: 27


COLOR: right now it’s light blue-green.


SONG: every new day by five iron frenzy.


SEASON: summer and Christmas time.
MOVIE: i decided today that i really like school of rock.  but i don’t know if it’s my favorite.


CD:  yikes…that’s hard.  right now, i think it’s starfield’s album.  that that will probably change soon.


PREFERENCES 


CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: i don’t have a girlfriend.  ..so that’s awkward.
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: both.  it depends.


MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: milk.  dark chocolate is grrrrross.


VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: it depends.  probably vanilla.

IN THE LAST DAY HAVE YOU 


CRIED: nope.


HELPED SOMEONE? i think so.


BOUGHT SOMETHING? nope.


GOTTEN SICK? i’ve maintained being sick.


GONE TO THE MOVIES?  no.  i decided “to the movies” bothers me.  i wish people said “to the theater” or “to a movie”.  rar.


SAID ‘i love you’?: i’m not sure. 


WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: nope.
TALKED TO AN EX?: nope.



MISSED AN EX?: nope.


WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: yep.


HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: yep.

that was a weird ending.  goodnight.  i mean..morning. 


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i like redone hymns more and more.  and i like that hymns are becoming popular again.  they’re just powerful. and i thought you’d like to know.

i don’t understand st. patricks day.  why do people use it as an excuse to drink?  ridiculous.  riiiiiiiidiculous.

i’m working on a new design for this little page.  i like this one a lot, but i need change.  just call me changing charlie.

or not.


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i found this in my closet.  it was mine when i was little.

______

…psyyyche.  i actually don’t remember why i have it, but i know it’s from the dollar store in the mall.  it’s made of porcelain (or something like it) and its ligaments are connected by elastic.  did someone give it to me?

spring starts in a week.  my summer vacation starts in fifty days.

thanks for all the prayers, by the way.  it was kind of a scary weekend involving the emergency room and other things, but God never left my side.  i literally felt His presence surrounding me.  and i’m feeling a lot better.  the dizziness and nausea is going to come and go for a while, but at least it’s not constant now.  take that, vertigo.

if you guys could pray for me and my body.. i’d appreciate it greatly.

i need my health back.

i don’t want pity.  i just want prayer.

thank you a lot.