and fading symphonies
growing tunnels, standing still
and endless questioning
barren season, holding on
but You are faithful. You are glory.
You are seeing me through.
so be made perfect
in this weakness.
beautifully cover me
while You become revealed.
edit: tonight i had an mri. first of all, thanks for any prayers. they were felt big time.
it was probably the scariest thing i’ve ever had to do. (i know i could have been way worse off, and if anyone reading this feels like i’m complaining about nothing or trying to sound like i have it so bad, please don’t get the wrong idea. i’m just writing about my experience.) first i had to sign these papers..(i was finally about to calm down) and when i received the last one, this lady said “and this is for your injection.” if any of you know me, you know that shots are one of my biggest fears in life. i went to the bathroom first and almost passed out. with the mri fear and that added to it, i was pretty much petrified. yes, i’m a wuss. you don’t have to tell me. then the big alien-type mri machine. i went in it and prayed and sang “here i am to worship” really slowly over and over again. i was so shaky that i was like constantly shivering. at one point i fell asleep, then woke up, realized where i was and kind of freaked out (my head was taped down and it was like i was abducted by aliens. haha) they had to redo a test because of it. but God is good. i prayed for my friends doing missions across the world (sarah, sarah, mikkele, kathryn).. halfway through, they took me out. i got the shot. right in the vein. AGHHH the last time i got a shot, i fainted. and that wasn’t even in the vein (thoughts of veins make me sick). but i pretended i got stung by a bee. then i pretended oscar bit me. then i went back in. i asked God to take me somewhere mentally.. almost immediately i was where i was last wednesday during chris tomlin’s concert. i was getting dizzy in the crowd so i went up to the back of the hill on the side where it was open and there was a breeze and i worshipped alone. and by the end of the test, i was laying in a tube smiling and singing (silently) to Jesus. and it was over. and then i couldn’t walk straight. and my arm was tingly. and then i ate french fries. and i have dye in my head.
ps: another way God helped ease the pressure is that one of my good friends through middle and high school (tyler diana) helped do the mri. i haven’t seen him since graduation.
i made it. i made it i made it i made it. He is made perfect in weakness. and faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can’t see. and i’m alive. no, i’m not completely recovered, but i needed this week more than anyone could realize. i could go on forever, but none of it would make any sense to anyone. but God is forever faithful, and God is forever with us.
here are some fun pictures from the week. you can see all the other pictures at www.alive.org (and click on the photo journal)
me, jess, carrie, jason, andrea
hannah and dave
my logo on the big screen..eeek
sara and roxy
me and charlie
the way security guards stop moshing with a beam of light never ceases to entertain me
rarrrr (me, sara, james)
one of my favorite people in the world
maria and steve and jeremy
“hi i’m going to meet you”
“do you have a lot of guy friends?”
“what do you guys play?”
“i’m gonna grow a mullet for next year.”
“i wish i had my mohawk.”
“yeah we just met pillar.” (turn around)
haha i like meeting people.
this is fun too..
Name 20 people you know:
6. Josh s
20. sarah d
Who is #8 going out with?: jason
Is #9 a boy or a girl?: girl
Would #11 and #2 date?: that would be weird. and dirty. haha
How about #18 and #4?: ummm i doubt it.
What grade is #17 in?: she’ll be a freshman at a yet to be determined for sure college.
When was the last time you talked to #12?: i’m talking to her right now.
What is #6’s favorite band?: i’m gonna guess coldplay.
Does #1 have any siblings?: one sister and a half brother and some stepbrothers.
Would you ever date #3?: oh baby. maybe if he wasn’t getting married. (psyche)
Would you ever date #5?: i just don’t think it’d work out.
Is #16 single?: nope
What’s #15’s last name?: shahan
What’s #5’s middle name?: oh man.. i know this. i want to say brian but that’s prolly wrong.
What’s #10’s fantasy?: to…be a singer in a band? i don’t know.
Would #14 and #19 make a good couple?: no. haha..well..maybe..but no.
What school does #20 go to?: kentucky christian university
And #1: stark state
Tell me a random fact about #11: she used to stalk me.
Have you ever had a crush on #16?: haha no i haven’t.
Where does #9 live?: in the middle of nowhere.
What’s #4’s favorite color?: perriwinkle.
Would you makeout with #14?: oh man. i might have to pass, zacky.
Are #5 & #6 best friends?: they’re close friends at least.
Does #7 like #20?: i don’t think they’ve ever met.
Does #8 like #19?: yes.
How did you meet #15?: he was some kid at church when i started going to forty corners.
Does #10 have any pets?: yes. lil romeo. hahah
Is #12 older than you?: by a month!
Have you ever given #13 cookies: i don’t recall.
Is #17 the sexiest person alive?: haha yes, especially because she’s in a band and has lots of guy friends.
last night while watching blindside, i was comforted in knowing there was someone else in the world with my bodytype.
i would appreciate it greatly if any of you could remember me in prayer throughout this entire week. anytime you think of it, just pray. the week is pretty big for me, i have some responsibilities, and i’m going to need to fully rely on Christ for strength and wellness. pray for no dizziness. no nausea. etc etc.
thankyou everyone. very, very much.
ps: if you are going to alive, find me and say hi.
“for all the deepest thoughts compiled, philosophy to laws of physics, no one’s ever heard or seen a more beautiful thing than this Love that saved us. The very spark that burns the stars drew near to me today. the God, of everything that is, whispered in my ear that His love is boundless.” -fif
i cannot believe the way God takes care of things in His perfect, beautiful, astounding ways.
if anyone wants to know specifics, just ask me. it’s pretty amazing…at least to me.
but today was exactly what i’ve been waiting for…a new hope. a new peace. God revealed Himself to me in the most perfect ways. i just needed faith. i cannot believe how many scriptures i’ve seen come to life. if you’re interested, please continue the prayers. i AM getting through this.
also, i have four friends that are currently serving Christ around the world for the summer. mikkele in spain, sarah d in england, another sarah d in arizona, and kathryn in the dominican republic.
pray for them!
“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” -philippians 4:5-7 (msg)
if anyone is reading this and it’s morning-ish, please pray for me. i have some tests and an appointment at the doctor about what’s up with me at 9:30 that i’m pretty scared of.
i need to increase my faith. You are peace. You are good.
edit: everything went okay. balance tests are nottt fun. but wow, His peace is amazing. thank you so much if you prayed for me. you probably don’t know much i appreciate that.
and now, i’m going to rehab this summer. yes, rehab.
(actually it’s just physical therapy for my balance system..but rehab is more fun to say.)
today i hung out with oscar in my hammock.
it was hot out.
“oscar, not in front of the neighbors!”
oscar spotted a squirrel…
oscar hates squirrels.
…so he left me to kill it.
i cried because i was alone and sad.
but oscar realized the squirrel was bigger than him, and he came back to me.
then we got hit by a meteorite.