You’re everything I could want, that I could need. i can just feel Your touch. i can breathe. look how You shine so the blind man see. and how you call out; You beckon me. the deaf hear the voice of love. you bid me come, and the crippled run. you’re the one to raise me up from this grave. touch my tongue, and then i’ll sing. heal my limbs and joyfull i’ll run to You. because You’re everything. and I’m alive and I’ll sing. and I’m alive and I’m free.
i’ve been struggling a lot with faith. i think i’ve been running and convincing myself this wasn’t the case for a while now, but the past few days, it’s finally hit me. for the past few months, God has been constantly showing me that i need faith. it seems like something so simple, and something so easy that i’ve never really felt like i struggled with…until this happened. how am i going to be recovered before the end of the summer? am i maybe just not supposed to be going to anderson? why am i not healed? am i doing something wrong? i constantly tell God that my full faith is in Him, i constantly surrender my entire body, mind, sould, and life before God, but i’m still left with this feeling of questioning in what is going on in my life.
i’ve gone off on my own tangents of confusion with healing, and wondering what really is truth behind healing. but it all just comes back to faith. faith in knowing that God does not leave us dry.
i don’t think i’m really capable of making sense with what i’ve been going through, but i’m learning a lot. and i don’t know why i feel compelled to write about this in here instead of my prayer journal, but i do.
maybe i’ll just put in the scriptures that have been yelling out at me, completely speaking to every confusing thought, question, wonder, and struggle i’ve been experiencing. these are verses i’ve come across and written over the past few months in my journal that i’ve gone back to over and over again.
“..though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. these have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
“Does God give you His spirit and work miracles among you because You observe the loaw, or because you believe what you heard?” Gal 3:9
“so those who have faith are blessed.” Gal 3:9
“the apostles said to the Lord, ‘increase our faith!’ He replied, “if you have the faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘be uprooted and planted in the sea, and it will obey you.'” -luke 17:5-6
“let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” -hebrews 10:22-23
“never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” -romans 13:9-13
“so if we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.” 2 cor 4:18
“cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will enver let the righteous fall.” -psalm 55:22
“i consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us…we know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies…But hope that is seen is no hope at all. who hopes for what he already has? but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.” romans 8:18-27
“now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
“and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. perseverance, character, and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” -romans 5:1-5
“so do not fear, for I am with you. do not be dismayed, for I am your God. i will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” isaiah 40
“trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” -proverbs 3:5-6
“then He said to him, ‘rise and go; your faith has made you well.'” -Luke 17:19
i feel very called to anderson, and that’s what i’m planning on doing. i have to have faith that i will be physically ready if that’s where i’m being led. i have no idea what exactly is down the road, but this isn’t about me. God is in control, and i have to believe that with my entire heart. i am learning to completely surrender to whatever is ahead.
i ask for encouragement. and for prayer once again.. not only physically, but mentally and spiritually, too. for those of you that have continuously lifted me up, you will probably never know how much of an impact it’s had. encourage me, too.
and if anyone is still reading, i think you should get a life. (psyche.)