i cut it off.  lolololz

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here is a quote from this xanga exactly three years ago:

“tonight’s amount of suckage was more than that of a hoover vacuum 3000 XLW to the max plus a toddler with a lollipop.”   

it seems weird that i was 17 three years ago. 

here is another quote..

“hey you super kids! today was a super ok day that went super fast and it’s super hot outside but now i’m super bored ’cause i dont wanna do my homework ’cause homework isn’t super.  i have to draw a tree with charcoal.  but i don’t wanna go out ’cause the mosquitos have infested my back yard.  i guess i can put on my jumpsuit and venture out into the land of mosquito bites and draw on my little sketch book.  AHHHHH WEST NILE!!”

i was amusing back then.  you should go read some for yourself (or maybe not).

i’m getting a haircut.  finally.  should i go shorter or keep it the same?

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on wednesday, i went to the first youth group for this year.  it was weird.  i think for the first time, it hit me that my teenage years are officially over.  realizing that the oldest student was four years younger than me was such a weird concept.  i got sad and nostalgic looking at the room and thinking about all the memories and moments i had in that room over the last seven and a half years.  all the faces and people i got to know in that room.  and then it was just me.  SO weird.  but i’m excited for how everything is kind of starting over.  i want to be a part of that as much as i can.  some of these kids are about to find and experience Jesus for the first time.  that’s so exciting.

i was reading one of matt redman’s books the other day, and it gave me chills.  totally what i needed to hear.  if people are going through something rough in their life, they should read blessed be your name: on the road marked with suffering.  they have it at berean.

“Father let me dedicate all this life to Thee. in whatever worldly state You would have me be. not from sorrow, pain or care, freedom dare I claim. this alone shall be my prayer: glorify Thy name. can a child presume to choose where or how to live? can a father’s love refuse all the best to give? let my glad heart, while it sings, Thee in all proclaim. and whatever the future brings, glorify Thy name. [be glorified in me.]”

i like my church. ^

today my massive nineteen-inch monitor almost came crashing down on my head.  somehow it didn’t shatter on my wood floor, and somehow it still works.  and my room is almost done.

tonight i took oscar for a walk.  i carried him.  i felt like paris hilton.  and don’t you dare say that it’s hot.

my job now has a title.. but i’m not sure what that title is yet, but at least i can feel somewhat official.  and i’m going to be working a lot more hours.  and yes, i can do it with the vertigo because i do most of it right where i’m sitting.  blessings out the buttttt.

the prayers are being felt.  thankyou thankyou thankyou to those that are praying for me while i try to get normal again.

my parents killed shrek and ate him for dinner. poor guy.


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i don’t really know what it feels like to be depressed, but i think i might be.

but the joy of the Lord is my strength.
and for whatever reason, i’m walking through this valley with a purpose. and i know there’s Light at the end. 

but i’m not about to pretend like i’m superhuman. i’m struggling. and i’m struck down, but i’m not destroyed. His promise will endure.

i need (1) hugs, (2) encouragement, and (3) prayer. 
let me know what can be in prayer over for you, too. 

i don’t like being a downer.

ps.. if you might be serious about praying for me, let me know.. i can be more specific.

oscar’s butt is feeling better.

i wish i was in indiana.
i wish i was my normal self.
i wish i didn’t wish things.

the end.

“for He Himself is our peace.”
-eph 2:14 (niv)

today is my would-be leaving day.  oh well. 
this will all make sense soon enough.

tonight i laid in the wet grass on the side of a hill by myself, watching something so amazing in the sky that nothing i say will do it justice.  it was so big.  and beautiful.  and complex.  and i took 43 pictures of it.

oh Lord, my God, when i (in awesome wonder)
consider all the world Your hands have made,
i see the stars.  i hear the rolling thunder.
Your power throughout the universe displayed.




this is where i see You.

so i’m pretty sure it’s official.. i’ll be in canton until after Christmas.  i don’t know why everything’s a rollercoaster for the past couple years, but it is.  while this is harder than anyone probably realizes, i’m excited to find out why this happened.  it’s hard being confused.  and it’s hard feeling like a downer.  but once i’m completely better, exciting stuff should start. 

disregard this post if you don’t know what i’m talking about.

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ps: i think i’m going to start a compaign against the way stores make their workers talk to you when you walk into a store.  after being asked how i was doing at least twenty times yesterday, i was THIS close to unloading a very detailed, exaggerated life story on the next store clerk that tried to be my best friend.  do they really want to know how i’m doing? or what i’m looking for?  what i might wear with something?  what i usually wear? why i don’t like something? why i do like something? why i’m at the mall?  aa;kjd;alfjkada ..maybe i should just shop online.

i’m as cool as they come.

 

i saw scuttle from the little mermaid on friday.

also, i saw more people in the past week than i did all summer. (with the exception of alive.)  it was good.  i miss people, and i’m slowly starting to feel normal again.  i like that.

i think that green is my favorite color right now.  i just decided.

today dustin told me he’s getting a tatoo of jamie as a pirate girl on his arm, and that may be the most random yet hilarious thing i’ve heard in a long time.

i sang the hillary duff song to myself in the mall parking lot when it began to rain today.

last night i got a voicemail from lucille ball and baby bop.  (that was my favorite so far.)

and on a final note, i’ve asked this a lot, but this is the crunch time.  i must decide for real by friday if i’m going to be at anderson this semester, or wait until 2nd semester.  it all depends on my balance system and clarity.  any kind of prayer about that would be greatly appreciated more than you might ever realize.  i’m okay with wherever i’m supposed to be.  there are exciting opportunities on both sides.  i just want to be where He prefers. 

now i’m going to paint giant trees on my wall. 

i don’t really like this post.