i serve a living God that is actively working wonders in my life every single day.  i see Him now more than ever.  i finally feel like my steps are close to His.  i have purpose.  i have faith.  it’s going to be a good year.

it’s so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word
just to rest upon His promise, just to know “thus said the Lord”
how i love to trust in Jesus, just to trust His cleansing blood
just in simple faith to plunge me beneath the healing, cleansing flood
yes, i’ve learned to trust in Jesus, and from sin and self to cease
now from Jesus simply taking life and rest and joy and peace
i’m so glad i learned to trust Him, precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
and i know that He is with me, He’ll be with me to the end

Jesus, Jesus, how i trust Him
how i’ve proved Him over and over
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
oh, for grace to trust Him more


happy half birthday to me.  i’m almost twenty.  whattheheck.


once upon a time, i went on a youth retreat in erie, pa with my youth group.  it was technically my first time as a “counselor,” and i experienced God in a much bigger way than any of the other six years i went. 

here is my picture book of memories.  orrrrrr something like that.

this is our group in front of the frozen waterfalls. notice my snowsuit (second from left).

zac was being seductive on the way there.  it looks like he’s in an airplane.

here is sam/andrea/aaron in the van.  i took this picture of aaron because we weren’t supposed to have headphones.  busssted. (psyche)

jexx gave one of the “daily challenges” at dinner.

we tied for first place in the snow sculpture contest for the second time.

our sculpture went with this year’s theme.  we made a foot.  the theme was “live the adventure, leave a legacy.”  that’s me writing “legacy” on the side of the foot.

ummm you can’t really see it.  but i promise it was awesome and great.

it didn’t stop snowing the entire weekend.  this sent people on violent rampages. (andrea/jason/carrie/sarah)

frozen waterfalls are really, really cool to look at..even though they kind of look like dirty dog teeth.  or maybe it’s just me.

we went on a hike in the woods and climbed up this huge mountain-ish hill, and then slid down the side of it.  that’s zac and jonathan at the beginning of it.

this is cathy coming down the first half of it.

i stopped halfway down and took a picture of the rest.

this is the view of the bottom half from across the river.

people called jason the gay lumberjack when we were outside.  but i guess it doesn’t make sense with this picture.  he had purple snowpants with red suspenders, moonboots, and that hat.

our beds looked like legos. (jason/bobby)

the services were SO good.  i didn’t take pictures because i would’ve distracted myself and other people.  but this is the very beginning of one of them.

every year on sunday morning, they pray for all the seniors.

i was attached to a chain of girls. (ashley/katie/savannah/carrie/jexx)


[ t h e   e n d . ]

where would i start? 

thank You, dear Lord, for being faithful.  in every possible aspect.  i don’t think there’s any way to describe this weekend that would give it any ounce of justice.  how close i was able to feel, how alive You brought me, how joyful i am for what is happening in my life, and how much i learned about me, You, and what is happening in my walk with You.   


oh, how i love Him.  if you want to know more about what God is doing in my life, ask me.  pictures from this weekend will probably come soon.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesussssss.

(thanks for the comments by the way..you were close enough to make me giggle with glee.  or maybe not.  but i was happy. )

i’m doing well.  my shirt even says so.

i expect at least thirty love letters left for me on this xanga when i come back on sunday.  okay? okay.

and remember to keep this retreat in your prayers this weekend.  pray for the kids of my youth group especially, and that their lives could be revived. 


Thing You’ve Eaten: wheat thins with cheese. mmm.
Person You’ve Called: jessica
Person That’s Called You: my mom
Person You’ve IM-ed: i was talking to jeremy/josh/zac/val at the same time, and then i left. 
Person You Thought About: jeremy/josh/zac/val
Movie You Saw In the Theater: oh man.. i don’t even remember.  i never go to the theater anymore.  i think it was raise your voice.  hahahaa
Movie You Rented: man on fire.  it disturbed me.
TV Show You’ve Watched: I love the 90’s: 1997
Thing You Did With Your Family: ate dinner
Thing You Did With Your Friends: i went bowling with some people last weekend.
Thing You’ve Bought: i had to pay ten bucks in my english class for materials. 
Time You Cried: tonight, i was sitting at cracker barrell and my eyes got really dry from the fireplace that was by our table and then tears started streaming out of my eyes.  it was weird.
Time You Showered: 10:00 this morning.
Song You’ve Listened: “tisbury lane” by mae
Song You’ve Downloaded: a song by showbread.
CD You’ve Wanted But Haven’t Bought: one of the united cds, the latest dead poetic cd, the latest tree 63 cd, the latest dennison mars cd, david crowder’s lime cd, and the list will go on and on and on.
Time You’ve Fought With Someone: i don’t even remember.
Person You’ve Hugged: i’m not sure.  probably my mom, she hugs me a lot.  yeah, i think it was.

What Do You Notice First: actions, expressions, words, hair, clothes.
Turn Offs: smoking. cussing. being obnoxious. drinking. hanging out of your clothes.
Ideal Height: umm about my waist level. psyche.

Want: to see my friends more often.
Wish: i could re-live the past seven months (not erasing what i went through, just being able to do it again).
Love: God, people, music, visual art.
Miss: nobody.  psyche. to the max.
Wonder: why i’m not in bed.

Wearing: my hershey’s shirt and gray pants.
Eating: nothing.
Drinking: water.
Thinking About: how soon i have to wake up.

that would be fun right now. ^

+ that was actually taken on the way to kaite’s house when val and i spotted a bus getting a police escort. we felt special and dreamt of what celebrities were hiding in the bus and secretly watching through the tinted windows.  maybe it was oprah.  or richard simmons.  or ricky martin.  or david hasselhoff.

+ i decided that people must be really sick of me telling them i miss them.  and even worse when i say i want to hang out and then nothing ends up happening.  i hate that.  

+ i want to have fun with people again.  where have you gone?  where have i gone?  where have all the cowboys gone………?  maybe it’s just me.

+ american idol is back and as good as ever.  you should watch.

+ we’re getting nine inches of snow in canton this weekend while i’m gone on a retreat in erie, pa, where they usually get at least twice as much snow as we get.  yyyyikes.

+ speaking of the retreat, i’m really excited for that.  it’s my sixth time, but it’s my first year to go not being a student.  we have a lot of junior high kids going, and i hope God will help me help them.  pray for the kids this weekend.  and for the leaders.  the ranch we’re going on is booked past its capacity, and really good, good things are planned for it.  snappp, it’s gonna be cool.

+ God and i have had good times this week.  it’s nicer than i can express in a stupid xanga.

+ there’s a new teen girl squad.




i’ve been having a really hard time with a lot lately, but i never understood quite why.  i was reading in the Message tonight and came across these verses :

“And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their ‘God projects’ that they didn’t notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling.” -romans 9:31-32

so..slaps in the face are good.  i found one of my problems.

also, i’ve been trying to write this song for weeks, but i couldn’t break through whatever it was that wasn’t working with it.  finally, it flowed perfectly tonight.  i guess my heart wasn’t right before. so the song’s done now.  all for His glory. not mine.

i’m being shaken up big time.  this is good.

[here i stand
before You, searching for all that i can.
here i lay
my pride, for i cannot hide
from You another day.

all around
Your beauty shines and simply astounds.
Your love runs wide
and falls so deep
it’s broken through all i kept inside.

hear me sing hallelujah.
for You alone can make me new.

take my fear and shake my doubt.
let Your spirit move me now.
be all my hopes. be all my dreams.
be all i am:
my everything.