i really don’t think art is what i’m supposed to do.  we had this girl come in and talk about this art school for like 2 hours.  and all i could do in my head was make up songs and pray and think of ways to be more of a vessel for Him.  music. ministry.  i’m thinkin’ that’s my calling.  and she was talking about college art classes..how theyre like from 9am to 5pm. and she was like “but if you really like doing that, then it’s nothing.”  and i thought about it.. i really think that would drive me crazy.  but i thought about ministering from 9-5..about playing music from 9-5…and i would be totally content with doing that from the time i got up to the time i went to bed every day for the rest of my life.  so yeah.  hmm.

all i wanted to do today was get home and jump on the guitar or piano and write and play and worship and be filled with God’s music.  i could hardly sit still in any of my classes.

so now i’m gonna go play more. byebye.

->hi, my name is brandon and i felt like sharing that.
listening to: switchfoot


brandon’s sad story of the day..

so my dad drops me off at school on the way to work.  all my stuff is in the backseat that isn’t in my bookbag.  i take a few steps away from the car, realize i forgot the stuff in the back seat.  i turn around and my dad’s driving away.  i chase him going “noooo wait!”  he circles around, i get to the other side of the parking lot, try to wave him down, and he drives right past me.  so i was unprepared for pretty much every class today.  oh well.  i didn’t feel well either.. i guess we have those days every once in a while though.  dustin came over after school and we got to jam around and that made it better..and now i’m gonna go play piano.  happy monday..

->hi, my name is brandon and it’s cold outside.
listening to: twothirtyeight

yesterday was so randomly fun.  i went on a video scavenger hunt with val’s youth group..we did lots of random things..and we won..and my prize was a tiedye shirt that says “attitude” and it’s like XXXL. hahaha.. then afterwards i went out with sarahbellum and scooby D and jaydee and nate and kelley..we went to borders and found out the meaning of our names (i am “beacon hill” and i am so confused.  someone please explain this to me.  the dictionary says “1. a signal fire, 2. a guiding or warning signal; a lighthouse, 3. a radio transmitter for airplanes”..) and covered up ALL the boobs in the magazine section.  (let me tell ya, that’s a lot of boobs.)  then we went to steak and shake and jaydee got a paper milkshake.. annnd yeah that’s all.  today church just got me thinking about stuff.  the sermon was about the act of worship..and he talked a lot about musical worship, which i definitely feel called in, and i’m longing so badly to not sit around and waste the time i have to jump into my calling.  you might say “brandon, you already do a lot.”  but i want to do more for God. 

i feel like i’ve hit a brick wall.  i don’t know why.  like i don’t know what to do next or how to do what i feel i’m supposed to.  i came home after church and listened to some stuff i recorded last week..and i dont know.  something just doesn’t feel right with it.  i feel like i’m maybe supposed to move into something.  or do it with a different approach.  or maybe team up with others to let God work through me more.  but i don’t know.  is this satan? is God trying to put a roadblock in front of me so i’ll stop and look at Him?  is there something in front of my face that i’m not seeing?  is there something i need to learn?  why do i feel so lost when a few days ago everything was fine? i’m just confused.  i’m anxious but stuck…excited but discouraged…determined but lost…faithfull but curious…and just ready to be a force that satan will be afraid of.  Lord, please teach me Your ways. 

sorry this was long.  pray for me, guys.. i know it’ll all be fine, i just need to be patient and let God do His stuff.

->hi, my name is brandon and i donevenoh.
listening to: justin mcroberts

Why is God so good to me? i don’t deserve it.  today He gave me another awesome day.. school went fast and i was wide awake.. and the poop rally actually made me happy.  then dustin came over..we played together some and it was just really cool.  then we went around with a video camera and harrassed people and sea gulls.  haha stupid crackhead seagulls.. then we met evan at the DNF tailgate thing..that was really cool too. jaydee came..then val and jaejae.. then jaydee and i went to the mall and met jaejae and val and sarahbellum..then we went to my church, took pictures, acted dumb, played kickball, knockout, spoons, and the likes.  i felt like a cool kid in 3rd grade.

but man..i dunno, just sitting here i can’t stop thinking about all the awesome things God has been doing in my life lately.  SOO GOOD. haha  just..yeah, i dunno.  i’m so excited as to what He’s gonna bring me to this year, i’m not sure of what it is exactly yet, but i know it will be amazing.  thank You Jesus.

->hi, my name is brandon and i’m eating cheese potatoes at 2am.
listening to: spoken ..ahh evan this cd is awesome, thanks so much for getting it for me..

.tonight is sweet like you as the darkness bursts but with a star glistening like the star in your eyes as cedars fall on a winter ground buried in ashes and sealed with a kiss.

man i am SO .EMOOOOOOooo.


quit playing games with my heart ’cause i’m missing you like candy